A couple of things I’ve heard
Posted: 09/03/2012 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“He’s really cute. He’s like a little teddy bear.”
“What? French people don’t get hot ears?!”
“I bet you collect the bits of wool caught on wire fences where the sheep have had a scratch and you go home and make robin a jumper while he takes a bath in a teacup.”
“…the sex life of a retired colonel!”
“This is a big hairy sack of balls.” [in response] “It’s not even big. It’s a small sack.”
“I cannot wait for the next time I can use my Samsonite!”
“Just rubber up.”
Stuff I’ve heard of late
Posted: 08/02/2012 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“It’s dynamite.”
“Tremendous. A great big stallion?”
“Another one of my tips for life, other than ‘buy a brown towel’…”
“I need to get some fucking mediocre wine.”
“I wouldn’t eat a Cherrio because I’m 39.”
“This Frankie Cocozza is a twat.”
“There’s no picture of a phallus?” [in response] “It’s lacking phallus.”
“I’m gonna send you pictures of cake all weekend.”
“She was shod shoddily.”
“Can you imagine what it would look like if you got a Valentine’s card from Turkey, ‘Take a walk, in my heart’.”
Some quotes, innit
Posted: 01/02/2012 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“It’s like having the most charming robot.”
“Ooh you rebel, you’re so non-conformist.”
“Big face on a man.”
“Look how he’s learnt how to pout! It’s amazing!”
“Young men like you. Rubber up.”
“We were just taking about Rik Waller.”
“Just put it this way, he was packing blood.”
Overheard conversations from this week
Posted: 12/01/2012 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“That’s a party laugh, that.”
“By ‘posh’ you mean ‘not shit’?”
“Is there ice ice cream? I make no sense today. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“You’ve been poorly. I’ve been amazing.”
“Jesus Christ. So tense. So tense…”
“What’s your favourite micro herb? PISS OFF.”
“It’s food swingers, isn’t it? Food swingers.”
“I’m gonna wake up and soil myself.”
What I heard on the 1st week in the office in 2012
Posted: 05/01/2012 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »[on looking at the gale force wind and rain] “I think we might die.”
“Oh look, a veal!”
“That’s better than you going for a muff.”
“If you sent her the stickers, she wouldn’t know where to place them. Elbow. Arse. Elbow. Arse.”
What I heard this Friday
Posted: 16/12/2011 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“They look like butter for your feet.”
“That’s why you’ve got syphilis.”
[on the sound of a harmonica] ”It immediately makes me wanna cry a little bit.”
“I’m going out to see Mr Bingo quickly.” [in response] “Be careful, there may be a line if there’s a full house.”
“I don’t want to engage in a conversation about piles.”
“I feel like Jim Branning out of Eastenders.”
[sniggers] “Womens bottoms. Discuss.”
“Bongo called. Five minutes of inane banter.”
Quotes from hungover, post-xmas party people
Posted: 15/12/2011 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“Everything looks so good. Corn on the cob!”
“Everyone’s just abusing themselves today.”
“Have you seen that clip of Chaka Khan playing the drums? Fucking amazing…”
“If they can get the fuck off of their fat arses…”
It’s been a while since I did a blog post…
Posted: 13/12/2011 Filed under: From the office 1 Comment »“Are you wearing a girdle today?”
“I’m pleased my mum gave birth to me.”
“Clannad. Irish for ‘shit’.”
“That’s Linda Lusardi!”
“What about that bondage gear you got for Christmas last year?”
“I realise that every time I put on a suit jacket with jeans I’m treading a fine line between real life and Top Gear.”
“It’s my favourite internet moment ever. I did wee when I saw it.”
“I think it went ok. Didn’t spit when I talked.”
Bits and bobs I’ve heard recently…
Posted: 18/11/2011 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“Where’s the in bit and where’s the out bit?”
“Is it just a constantly open anus then?”
“He can name all the nuts, you know.”
“I’m sure the magic pen can handle it.”
“Did you just put some lipstick on to make that comment?”
“How often do you play serious sport?” [in response] “I play online golf.”
“He’s put your sour plums in his mouth and got a nasty taste?”
“Average facial hair growth.” [in response] “Is that going to be the same as your top hair?”
Overheard today…
Posted: 16/11/2011 Filed under: From the office Leave a comment »“Giant penis.” [in response] “Pop-up penis.” [in response] ”You’ve really gone to town on that.”
“It’s really pungent. Deal with it.”
“The Japanese actually pronounce Qantas ‘cuntus’.”
“If you said, ‘you’re a massive fat toad’, THAT would be inappropriate.”
“I’m thinking about having a pejazzle…”
“Maybe you should leave, so you can get a present.”
